Well, things are progressing. We're having a problem with expectations--he expects me to be the Domme of his fantasies, and I...well, I'm me. After 10 years, you might think he'd have more reasonable expectations of who I am and what I'm capable of, but I think that's all gone by the wayside in all of the excitement and the newness of this change.
Here's what I think. If he wants me to be the one in charge, the one who makes the rules, then it seems like what he wants me to be, or how he wants me to do this, are relatively immaterial, right? Because this isn't just some acting job I'm doing, this isn't pretend, this is my life. This is the structure of our family. This is who I am and how I am.
I don't bark orders. I don't like to nag. I'm not going to whip him constantly, or carry a paddle around in my purse. I'm going to tell him what needs doing and tell him when it needs to be done--and I will make sure that my time frame is reasonable. And then the ball is in his court. He either does it and gets it done on time and receives my praise and affection, or he does not and faces my wrath.
Right now we're working with some honor-based chastity. We're not willing to purchase and use a male chastity device...yet. I like the idea of keeping him chaste on his own willpower and self-restraint, not because he physically cannot act in a way to be less than chaste. It seems more submissive if he has to do it on his own.
We'll see how practical that is in time, though! It seems to be minimally more effective than some of the other things I'd tried (nagging, spanking, humiliation), so maybe this is our ticket. I might need to be a little less permissive--I've allowed him to touch himself provided he does not orgasm, but I think that needs to stop. Currently I've been denying him just until his task is complete, but he's working a task tonight that I do not think he'll finish. If he does not, he'll get another week of no lovin' and another night to finish. Every night he fails me, he gets another week.
We're still having problems with laziness, so I've got some ideas for some really creative punishments that I got from http://www.shemakestherules.com and I'm sure I'll be trying those out soon. And we're having some issues with Mr. X sending me links and such to tips and advice on how to lead as a female. I know he's well intentioned, but it's going to have to stop. It feels like he's trying to "top from the bottom" and I can't have that. It's either my way (which is what he says he wants) or it's no go.
Anyway, progress! Little by little!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Unsubmissive Sub
So, I don't get it.
If this is what Mr. X SWEARS that he wants--has sworn up and down on several nights, in fact--then why is it so hard? Why doesn't he just do it?
It's been nearly two weeks since we started this "experiment", and I have one thing to note:
Our kitchen is not yet clean.
Our kitchen is roughly five foot square--no, I'm not kidding. It's not so much a kitchen as a really useful hallway from the garage to the dining room. It's five square feet of space and it's not clean yet.
So, if he wants me to give him tasks, things to do that will please me, why isn't this done? I've punished, I've told him he can't "take care of business" until it's done, I even tried to forbid him from watching the ER finale (Mr. X is an ER fan), and still, it's not done. I've asked nicely, I've tried asking flirtatiously. I've tried NOT asking and just leaving him to his own devices. I've tried nagging and not nagging.
Don't get me wrong, progress has been made. The fridge is clean enough to eat off the shelves (although now it is somewhat more on the empty side than is strictly useful) and portions of the counters are clean as can be. But there is a hideous abundance of dishes to be washed, the inside of the microwave is an environmental hazard, the new over-the-range microwave is still sitting in a box in the garage and the floor (which is supposed to be clean enough for him to eat off of) is STICKY. Words can't express how gross I find that.
No, the only way Mr. X will clean the kitchen is if I throw a magnificent fit and sit in the living room and supervise. Which is what is happening tonight.
And seriously? This is a bunch of crap. I'm not his mother, I ought not to have to constantly micromanage and supervise him. To me, if this is so difficult for him to do, then this is NOT what he wants. But he insists that he does want it.
I'm at a loss. Frankly, I'm not equipped to deal with this nonsense. To me, you act in accordance to your desires, right? If I want a sandwich, I make a sandwich. Then, when I want it, not two weeks later when someone bullies me into making it. If I have to sit on top of him and nag him and be a bitch, then this does not meet my needs. It does not make me happy.
It's starting to feel somewhat like Mr. X wants a Mama. This is the only thing I've really asked of him in two weeks. Just get the kitchen clean. If he'd have done it in a timely fashion, I'd have found another task, which is what he says he wants me to do.
And really, the kitchen wasn't a swampy hellhole to start with. It was messy, and it was in need of a solid spring cleaning. I get that the fridge took him a while, I respect that. But the reason this isn't done is because there was just SO MUCH to do, it's because Mr. X has been LAZY.
Maybe he can explain it to anyone reading in the comments section, because I'm at a loss.
If this is what Mr. X SWEARS that he wants--has sworn up and down on several nights, in fact--then why is it so hard? Why doesn't he just do it?
It's been nearly two weeks since we started this "experiment", and I have one thing to note:
Our kitchen is not yet clean.
Our kitchen is roughly five foot square--no, I'm not kidding. It's not so much a kitchen as a really useful hallway from the garage to the dining room. It's five square feet of space and it's not clean yet.
So, if he wants me to give him tasks, things to do that will please me, why isn't this done? I've punished, I've told him he can't "take care of business" until it's done, I even tried to forbid him from watching the ER finale (Mr. X is an ER fan), and still, it's not done. I've asked nicely, I've tried asking flirtatiously. I've tried NOT asking and just leaving him to his own devices. I've tried nagging and not nagging.
Don't get me wrong, progress has been made. The fridge is clean enough to eat off the shelves (although now it is somewhat more on the empty side than is strictly useful) and portions of the counters are clean as can be. But there is a hideous abundance of dishes to be washed, the inside of the microwave is an environmental hazard, the new over-the-range microwave is still sitting in a box in the garage and the floor (which is supposed to be clean enough for him to eat off of) is STICKY. Words can't express how gross I find that.
No, the only way Mr. X will clean the kitchen is if I throw a magnificent fit and sit in the living room and supervise. Which is what is happening tonight.
And seriously? This is a bunch of crap. I'm not his mother, I ought not to have to constantly micromanage and supervise him. To me, if this is so difficult for him to do, then this is NOT what he wants. But he insists that he does want it.
I'm at a loss. Frankly, I'm not equipped to deal with this nonsense. To me, you act in accordance to your desires, right? If I want a sandwich, I make a sandwich. Then, when I want it, not two weeks later when someone bullies me into making it. If I have to sit on top of him and nag him and be a bitch, then this does not meet my needs. It does not make me happy.
It's starting to feel somewhat like Mr. X wants a Mama. This is the only thing I've really asked of him in two weeks. Just get the kitchen clean. If he'd have done it in a timely fashion, I'd have found another task, which is what he says he wants me to do.
And really, the kitchen wasn't a swampy hellhole to start with. It was messy, and it was in need of a solid spring cleaning. I get that the fridge took him a while, I respect that. But the reason this isn't done is because there was just SO MUCH to do, it's because Mr. X has been LAZY.
Maybe he can explain it to anyone reading in the comments section, because I'm at a loss.
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