Friday, March 27, 2009

Lifestyle vs. Fetish

When Mr. X first brought to my attention that he'd enjoy a more submissive role in our relationship, I admit that I lept before I looked. After all, I'm always open to trying almost anything once. So, when he told me what he'd like, I said "OK" without really thinking of the consequences of my decision.

It occurs to me now that there's a fine line between having a wife-led marriage and, well, being my husband's Mama. I am interested in the former, not so interested in the latter. I don't intend to parent anyone who did not emerge from my uterus, or whom I did not adopt. And, well, anyone who is not actually a child requiring parenting.

I am sure there are a lot of wrinkles we'll have to iron out, and this is the first. For the past week, this has felt more like mothering than being the mistress of the household. I've had to nag, cajole, threaten and punish, and he is still not toeing the line as I'd like.

I don't want to nag. I don't want to micromanage. I believe that if he really wants to be submissive, he will do as I've asked simply because I asked it. After all, if this is what he wants, then it should be easy for him. I should simply ask for what I need/want and it will be accomplished. If it cannot be accomplished, it will be discussed and an alternative that pleases me will be settled on. This requires communication on his part, and Mr. X has not historically excelled at communication.

Granted, I will have to cut him a bit of slack right now, as he's got a condition that we're both aware of, but that he had been negligent in attending to before we settled on this arrangement. He has since made an appointment to be seen by a doctor to diagnose and treat the condition, but this appointment is not until April 30, which is a considerable amount of time away. In the meantime, Mr. X has less than no energy, and is impossible to wake when he falls asleep. This leads to some considerable problems, as I'm sure you can imagine.

At any rate, we discussed this in detail last night after Mr. X completed his sentences, and I think what will help this feel less like parenting will be that Mr. X will continue to be responsible for his own self-care--he will bathe daily, will maintain exceptional personal hygiene and will continue to be responsible for waking and going to work in a timely fashion without my assistance.

I want this to be an arrangement that works to make everything for the better--that makes Mr. X happy and that makes our house run smoother. I'm not going to start sporting fetish wear as part of my everyday ensemble, and I won't start packing a riding crop in my purse (the corset imagery on the page is more to express femininity, and because I think they're pretty. And, well, I never said I wouldn't OCCASIONALLY want to bust out the leather corset). This is a real-life relationship--I love Mr. X and respect him as a person. Simply because our marriage has become wife-led does not indicate that we're changing anything other than who is the decision maker in our relationship.

I've been trying to find online evidence of other people who live the same way--who don't make this change and embrace the overt sexual tones that most people consider part of the lifestyle. It seems like a double standard that when the male is dominant, nobody automatically thinks of ball gags and bondage collars--but if the woman is in charge, people immediately start asking where your leather corset and male chastity gear are from. While the sexual component is part of this, for sure, Mr. X suggested this arrangement as a way to change our lives for the better, because he believes that I make better decisions for our family.

Anyway, I'll keep looking, but it's hard to find people who embrace the wife-led concept, but not the extremes of a BDSM lifestyle. I'll keep looking--Mr. X helped me find a few this evening, and I've linked the ones that interested me on the menu on the left. Happy reading!

Obedience Training.

Mr. X has been singularly disobedient as of late. In the past four days, he has performed (in a mediocre fashion) on only two evenings. The other two evenings, he's decided that it's more important to be lazy and sleep. Thus, our kitchen is only halfway functional and my legs are reaching an itchiness level that is nearly intolerable. Not to mention that he spent the entire day at home today and did not accomplish one single thing that I had asked of him!

One would think that he'd be more inclined to stay in my good graces, but he is clearly not so inclined. I had planned to have him complete his dish cleaning duties while wearing nothing but a pair of my panties, but that no longer seems severe enough. I will have to consider what to do and update you on that later. There will be pictures, of course. I'll blur his face, but that's to protect me more than him.

At any rate, part of his punishment is going to be writing sentences. Since he is acting like a child, I will treat him as one.

1) I will not disobey Miss X.
2) I will not disobey Miss X.
3) I will not disobey Miss X.
4) I will not disobey Miss X.
5) I will not disobey Miss X.
6) I will not disobey Miss X.
7) I will not disobey Miss X.
8) I will not disobey Miss X.
9) I will not disobey Miss X.
10) I will not disobey Miss X.
11) I will not disobey Miss X.
12) I will not disobey Miss X.
13) I will not disobey Miss X.
14) I will not disobey Miss X.
15) I will not disobey Miss X.
16) I will not disobey Miss X.
17) I will not disobey Miss X.
18) I will not disobey Miss X.
19) I will not disobey Miss X.
20) I will not disobey Miss X.
21) I will not disobey Miss X.
22) I will not disobey Miss X.
23) I will not disobey Miss X.
24) I will not disobey Miss X.
25) I will not disobey Miss X.
26) I will not disobey Miss X.
27) I will not disobey Miss X.
28) I will not disobey Miss X.
29) I will not disobey Miss X.
30) I will not disobey Miss X.
31) I will not disobey Miss X.
32) I will not disobey Miss X.
33) I will not disobey Miss X.
34) I will not disobey Miss X.
35) I will not disobey Miss X.
36) I will not disobey Miss X.
37) I will not disobey Miss X.
38) I will not disobey Miss X.
39) I will not disobey Miss X.
40) I will not disobey Miss X.
41) I will not disobey Miss X.
42) I will not disobey Miss X.
43) I will not disobey Miss X.
44) I will not disobey Miss X.
45) I will not disobey Miss X.
46) I will not disobey Miss X.
47) I will not disobey Miss X.
48) I will not disobey Miss X.
49) I will not disobey Miss X.
50) I will not disobey Miss X.

Yes, he did type them all himself, no copying and pasting occurred. I watched him to make sure. Also, Mr. X is a poor typist, so this was rather more punishment than you might think.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Averagely Ordinary.

I am Miss X. If you met me in real life, away from the internet, you'd probably look right through me. Most anyone who saw me wouldn't think past considering that I'm a plain-jane, ordinary housewife. There isn't much remarkable about me on first sight, I fade easily into the woodwork. Although I'm opinionated and frequently witty, it would take time for you to notice that--that's if you even chose to engage me in conversation. My husband isn't much different. In fact, he's quiet, so there might not even be a time when you'd notice him enough to strike up a casual chat. If you did, you wouldn't get much out of him.

No, there's not much star quality about either of us. We're typical people, blending easily into crowds and going about our normal lives in a normal, average way. But, we have a secret. It's a secret life we play out under the perfect averageness of our every day. If you saw us in public and paid attention, you might notice something different about how we talk to each other, the roles we play.

Do you think you can guess our secret? It's not hard, given the clues above. Our secret is this--my husband is not the dominant character in our household. He is not the head, regardless that he brings home the paycheck. He does not make decisions, is not allowed to drive our family vehicle without permission. His first priority is to do my bidding in all things, from shaving my legs and brushing my hair, to doing the housework and providing me with a lifestyle that I can be pleased with.

This is not a blog about sex. It is an adult blog, but not for pornographic reasons. This is a blog for me to talk about what I am learning about our marriage and my husband. We have been together for ten years, and this is a facet of him that I am just now being introduced to. This is a place for me to talk about that and to discuss what it's like to be the controller of this relationship in a society where more frequently the male is dominant. We don't do heavy bondage, aren't into extremes of pain. I will spank him and inflict punishments on him for disobedience and not pleasing me, but nothing that would make any self-respecting male fear for his genital integrity.

This is not a place for judgment. As a friend of mine likes to say, everyone's got their kink. It doesn't matter what yours is, because whatever makes you and your partner happy is nobody's business but yours. This makes us happy right now--it might make us blissful for the rest of time, or we might decide this isn't us in a week or two. I don't know, but for now, this is who we are. There's an ass for every seat, and our asses have found this seat.

This IS a place for respectful conversation. I will delete anyone who cares to toss insults and denigrate our relationship. If you'd like to voice your negative opinions, start your own blog. If you'd like to ask questions or chat about our choices and what it's like to live this way, bring it on.

This is going to be a place to laugh and have fun. I will make jokes with Mr. X and at his expense as well. I enjoy a good laugh, and some say I have a great sense of humor. Not everything in our life centers around this, but Mr. X and I both believe that sailing is smoother with a woman captain, and I make the best decisions for our family. The focus of this blog will be our lifestyle roles, but occasionally there will be times to chat about other fun things.

This is also going to be a place for Mr. X to post his confessions and pictures of his punishments as they're needed. Perhaps I'll allow him to post his own opinions on the rare occasion when I allow him to have one.

Deep breath, on!