Thursday, April 16, 2009

Working Out the Kinks

Well, things are progressing. We're having a problem with expectations--he expects me to be the Domme of his fantasies, and I...well, I'm me. After 10 years, you might think he'd have more reasonable expectations of who I am and what I'm capable of, but I think that's all gone by the wayside in all of the excitement and the newness of this change.

Here's what I think. If he wants me to be the one in charge, the one who makes the rules, then it seems like what he wants me to be, or how he wants me to do this, are relatively immaterial, right? Because this isn't just some acting job I'm doing, this isn't pretend, this is my life. This is the structure of our family. This is who I am and how I am.

I don't bark orders. I don't like to nag. I'm not going to whip him constantly, or carry a paddle around in my purse. I'm going to tell him what needs doing and tell him when it needs to be done--and I will make sure that my time frame is reasonable. And then the ball is in his court. He either does it and gets it done on time and receives my praise and affection, or he does not and faces my wrath.

Right now we're working with some honor-based chastity. We're not willing to purchase and use a male chastity device...yet. I like the idea of keeping him chaste on his own willpower and self-restraint, not because he physically cannot act in a way to be less than chaste. It seems more submissive if he has to do it on his own.

We'll see how practical that is in time, though! It seems to be minimally more effective than some of the other things I'd tried (nagging, spanking, humiliation), so maybe this is our ticket. I might need to be a little less permissive--I've allowed him to touch himself provided he does not orgasm, but I think that needs to stop. Currently I've been denying him just until his task is complete, but he's working a task tonight that I do not think he'll finish. If he does not, he'll get another week of no lovin' and another night to finish. Every night he fails me, he gets another week.

We're still having problems with laziness, so I've got some ideas for some really creative punishments that I got from and I'm sure I'll be trying those out soon. And we're having some issues with Mr. X sending me links and such to tips and advice on how to lead as a female. I know he's well intentioned, but it's going to have to stop. It feels like he's trying to "top from the bottom" and I can't have that. It's either my way (which is what he says he wants) or it's no go.

Anyway, progress! Little by little!


Owbee said...

Sounds like you know yourself a little better than Mr. X knows himself but it takes a good FLR time to develop.
It also sounds like you might want to consider obtaining a wooden hairbrush with a broad, flat side. Once you establish yourself as an enthusiastic and proficient disciplinarian who pays no attention to being 'topped from the bottom' the house suddenly will become cleaner.
I know this to be a fact of life.
Good luck!

Cherylssubhub said...

Hi Miss X,
I found your blog from your SMTR profile, and I have really enjoyed reading it.

I did have some of the problems I believe your husband is experiencing when we began our FLM, namely motivation to do the actual "work". It's easy to be motivated to play, not so easy to stay motivated for work day in and day out. I did get it worked out eventually, and hopefully your husband will as well.

Best of luck to you both.


~ Eclectic Enchantress ~ said...

Hey lady...

One thing we have to stay keen on is inherent behaviours and habits we have before starting a FLR. What weaknesses and strengths, etc. It is so very easily said rather than done for many. Women too but more so men. Consistency is important. From both parties. It can take time to establish a balance, the give and take, etc. But both have to be willing to put the effort in, not when it's convenient. Ok, M-W-F I will be submissive, S & S you spank me and T & Th I will do whatever I want. Mmmmmmmm...smacks of the selfish "me" in sub-me-sive.

Hang in there chica!!