Saturday, June 6, 2009

Diminished Capacity

It's possible that Mr. X thinks I'm an idiot. Or he'd at least LIKE to think that about me. But, I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to get the idea that he's only into being in an FLR when it suits him. I'll point out a few things that are leading me to this conclusion.
  1. Yesterday morning, he was all over referring to me as "Miss X" and being super respectful. Oh--wait, did I forget to point out that he wanted a little bedroom play? And that once we got up and started our day, there was no more "Miss X", and we were back to our normal disrespectful "Yup" and "Sure" and "Whatever"? Don't think the connection was lost on me. I didn't even let him come, and he's STILL treating me like shit. He STILL only busts out the pseudo-respect when he thinks he stands to gain something.
  2. He watched a movie last night that I didn't want to join him in watching. Wait, this requires backstory: He put our oldest child to bed last night, and while he was headed to her room, I advised him to not fall asleep on her floor, but to come back down so we could spend some time with each other. Also, I had the baby, and he needed to get her to bed, too. I waited over an hour, and then I gave up on him. I took the baby and went to bed. He then spent some time doing something on the computer and then came upstairs and WOKE ME UP to ask if I wanted to watch this movie. He watched it alone. At any rate, the movie was called Quarantine, and when I asked him what it was about this morning, he said "Quarantine" in a tone of voice that made me want to punch him, and went back to sleep.
  3. The home maintenance tasks he agreed to take on himself and complete in a timely fashion are not being done. I need to point this out again: taking charge of the chores was HIS idea. He submitted a schedule of chores to me that HE would do, on a schedule that he submitted for my approval. None of those tasks got done. None of them are getting done. He is doing NOTHING that he promised he would do. This is a pattern we've apparently salvaged from our "vanilla" relationship...and boy did I ever hope it'd go far, far away.
  4. I asked him to both post an intro at She Makes The Rules (which, I might add, is a site HE directed me to for information. I've become very active there, and I enjoy the people. I think it's not too much to ask for him to be involved in the site) and to post a blog entry here since he has yet to do so. I asked that he make his participation at SMTR a weekly occurrence at first, but advised that I'd want to see him participate more as he became more comfortable there. He posted one intro post there and has yet to post here. Oh, wait, it gets better--I asked him to do this BEFORE he watched a movie about a week ago, only to find neither request done, but the movie sure got watched.
  5. My requests for daily showering and tooth brushing are being completely ignored. He is not putting on clean clothing daily. In fact, on each instance when we've come inside from swimming at the pool, he's failed to change out of his swim trunks, and simply wears them as pants.
  6. I made a rule that he is to acknowledge that I am speaking to him verbally--as in, if I say something to him, I require a verbal response. He isn't doing this, which makes me feel ignored and disrespected.
  7. His shitty attitude in general is pissing me off. I didn't like this sort of thing when we were in a "Regular" relationship, and it's making me even madder now.
What I'm getting here is that he thinks it's fun to play around with this when he wants to. He's yanking me around like I'm the one on a leash, and I have to say, I'm starting to lose some respect for him. I also don't really care if this embarrasses him or not--that I just posted on the internet that my husband cannot be bothered to bathe daily or to brush his teeth even one time a day--he stood next to me last night at the grocery store, talking to me, and my eyes literally watered from his breath. I don't understand why he thinks I'd want to be intimately involved with someone who clearly has so little self-respect. If nothing else, he should consider that *I* value myself enough to have higher standards than to want to kiss someone whose breath could clear a room.

And I also kind of hope it does embarrass him a little--I hope he can look at those things and say "She's right. I'm fucking this up." but I really don't think that Mr. X is capable of that level of introspection. Also? He's so completely unreliable that I wouldn't believe it if he DID tell me that he was wrong and he'd change. He'd have to show me, and Mr. X fails in that capacity every time we have issues. The laziness is completely unbelievable--there's rarely any action on his part, just a lot of hot air and meaningless rhetoric.

HE brought this idea (me being dominant) to my attention. HE wanted to do it. I said I would--and I'm positive that a lot of other women would have run for the hills. *I* did not. This was not my idea, it was HIS, so why am i getting so much freaking attitude about it?! I'm not forcing him to do anything he hasn't said he wanted OR anything that he hasn't suggested himself.

And, you know, I had this idea to do this scene for him next Saturday, when we already have a sitter for the girls, but it's too much work to do for such an asshole. This is ALL too much work to do for someone who's either too fucking lazy to live the way he SAYS he wants to live, or who's just too untrustworthy to be a man of his word. I'm about an inch away from doing what any smart person would do--I'm going to take my toys and go home and let him play by himself. I didn't enjoy being ignored and being second to his all-pervasive desire to sleep his ENTIRE life away BEFORE we started this, and it's even less fun when he's asking me to give him orders and then ignoring the fuck out of them.

This is bullshit. I'm furious and I'm completely over it.

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